Bring it on Home
Mother’s Day weekend, here we are again. For many it’s a time for them to be recognized and spoiled, for others it’s a bit sad, because their mom is no longer with them, or perhaps she is, but uninvolved. Others wish it away, because they don’t hold the formal title, as much as they wish they did. Then, there are those who see it as just another day, for me, it’s special. I enjoy the attention that I get, and I enjoy giving attention to the moms around me. You know, the ones who make you better.
The job description is so broad. I’d go so far as to say, it has no limits. You see, in my mind, us girls are all mamas, whether we have birthed babies or not. If you live alone, but you have pets. If you’re in a relationship, and it’s just the two of you. Maybe you’re taking care of family members, or perhaps you are the ringmaster of your very own three ring circus! Regardless, it’s innately in us to fix things, to tend to people, and make it all better.
Nothing feels like my mama’s house. It’s warm and safe. I can be myself, and she’s always on my side. I’m 55, and it’s still fun to have sleepovers at her house. But what hit me like a ton of bricks is when I realized that I am now the mom, and it is up to me to create that for my family! Some of it happens naturally, but much of it requires intention and cultivation. It’s a heavy load, but we’re built for it. It looks different for everybody, so I’m only going to share a couple of things that work and resonate with me.
We have always had a very busy lifestyle, but it was always my intent to get my family back home in the afternoons as quickly as possible. Picture this, everybody is exhausted from the day, which means more arguing and attitude, even from us, as adults. It’s late, so you hit a drive thru. The line is wrapped around the building. Then, you get home, and the fries were left out of your order, there’s no dipping sauce, and dad’s burger has onions on it. Nobody has had a shower yet, you’re all still hungry, and there has been no real conversation. Had you wrapped it up and headed home as soon as you could, walked in the door and smelled something yummy cooking, suddenly the whole vibe changes. I’m not talking elaborate, I’m talking spaghetti sauce in the crock pot. You cook some pasta, while your crew chills out until it’s done and on the table, maybe 15 minutes later, for a fraction of the cost, and you’re family gains an extra hour at home together. Nobody wants to argue about what you’re eating for dinner after a tiring day. Do yourself a favor, take this on, make your plans for the week, and watch it make a difference.
It doesn’t always feel fair, and maybe it really isn’t, but so much of your family’s dynamic depends on you and your approach. I hope I’m not coming off harsh, but there’s no room for moms to play the part of a victim. It’s fine to gently delegate and expect everyone to pull their weight, but your role is crucial. You create that soft place for everybody to land, you recognize when something isn’t quite right, you are the one that understands when it’s time to vent. You look around and everyone is asleep when there’s still a million things to do before you get to go to bed, sometimes it feels like a life sentence, and you know what, IT IS! It’s not a situation where you turn in your notice and walk away in two weeks.
There was a time when I felt like I was getting the short end of the stick. It felt like everything was mine to do, but at some point, my perspective changed. I realized what an honor it was. It occurred to me that my family was not only feeling love, but learning to love through me. I was an actual vessel pouring into them. All the “stuff” I had to do, meant so much more. I started going about those daily chores with purpose and intent, knowing that each of them played a part in my family running more smoothly. Every mom is unique and so is every family, but I firmly believe that we hold the key to the overall ebb and flow. That doesn’t mean that you are a doormat, and obviously, there are exclusions where you do the very best you can, and your family can’t be fixed.
Mr Webster says: A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent human being. I can agree for the most part. I would say we get to sacrifice, instead of we must. I’d also say a mother’s role doesn’t stop with her children. As women, in general, we are caregivers to all those around us, and what could be more important than making others feel loved and cared for. We’re a pretty big deal!
I hope each of you have a fabulous weekend celebrating Mother’s Day, whatever that looks like for you. If you have a second, listen to this song. I love it, because it reminds me of my purpose in regards to my family. I’m not sure if that was the writer’s intent, but it nails it for me. I hope they always bring it on home to me :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l4AC5rUSUo