Stay

40 years, are you kidding me?!? It seems like yesterday when we were celebrating our very first anniversary in a tiny cabin at Cheaha State Park.. At that time, the very thought of even being 40 was crazy to me. I was cute, perky, and NOWHERE near 40 🤪 Now, fast forward 39 years, turning 40 is so far behind me that it’s basically invisible! Those first few years can be tough, but through it all, we chose to stay.

A lot has changed for us over the years. There have been many ebbs and flows, numerous seasons of life have come and gone. There have been tough times and better times. We’ve walked through losses and gains. There have been insanely happy times and other times when we were just going through the motions. It’s all normal, just life, as they say, but we always made the choice to stay.

For whatever reason, once another decade is behind us, I get all sentimental and nostalgic. I can be a sappy gal! At this point, the exhaustion of bringing newborns home is long gone. We are no longer frazzled by the unexplained energy of feral toddlers. Our afternoons no longer consist of spelling words and sight word lists. Sports schedules do not control our lives. Heck, we don’t even know it when our boys get home after midnight anymore, I’m not even sure we care 😂

We will always be mom and dad, but they are hard at work building their own lives. Their need for us has shifted, which means we got something right! We have graciously embraced the role of nanny and pop. We get to hang out with, and enjoy, the coolest little guy ever, but the responsibility of his daily needs are not ours. If we’re busy, we can even bow out! It makes me a little sad to acknowledge that all of these doors have closed for us. I can’t help but mentally hit that replay button, from time to time. I think that’s only human; however, at the same time, I also can’t help but wonder what they years to come will look like for us.

The reality is we have more years behind us than we do ahead of us. Honestly, I don’t even know how to process that. As I try my very best to put my thoughts into words, I’m struggling. I’ve left so much unsaid. Reflecting back on our 40 years, there are lots of stories in my memory bank. Moments I pray I never forget, and some I’ve chosen to bury, but everyday, we stayed.

When you choose to stay, something beautiful evolves. I purposely chose the word evolve, because it happens slowly over time, so slowly that you don’t even realize it’s going on. The fleeting years leading up to this one have held many lessons.

Here I am sitting in total silence with my person. His head is in my lap, and he’s sleeping like a baby. Nobody else in this whole wide world knows us like we know each other. It’s a different type of intimacy. We check on each other throughout the day and pick up one another’s slack.. We just know what the other needs or wants, even though there have been no words spoken. We have inside jokes that the rest of the world is not privy to.

At the end of the day, it’s easy to tell when the demands have been heavy, and all that’s needed is a little space. It’s nothing personal. It’s comfortable and safe. I’m going to take care of him, and he is going to take care of me, but to reach this point, you gotta stay.

Coming from someone who made the daily choice to stay, let me assure you, it’s so worth it. I’m overwhelmingly aware that the day will inevitably come when one of us will wake up to the realization that the time with our person has come to an end. We truly are walking each other home, but until one of us gets to where we’re going, I’m gonna stay ❤